Many men today are extremely tense. In their relationships with their partners, their focus is often on immediate gratification of their sexual needs. Their partners may end up performing out of a sense of obligation, and the end result can be frustration for both parties. By becoming more relaxed and open, a man can help nurture a sense of deep trust in his relationship with his partner. This sense of trust can not only help to improve the quality of a man's sexual life, but it can also spill over into all of his relationships.
Tantric yoga with a sexual partner involves worshiping the divinity of your partner. It is about being open and giving of yourself to please your partner in every way that you can— tactilely, sensorially, emotionally, and spiritually. It is about complete giving and abandonment without thinking about receiving. For, according to tantra, in giving of your entire self you will receive far more than you ever imagined possible.
So try performing a tantric ritual of your own. Set aside an evening or a special time where you will do nothing but be attentive and responsive to your partner's needs—whether your partner is female or male. Set a special atmosphere—light candles, arrange flowers in a vase, play soft music, burn some incense, or diffuse fragrant essential oils. Prepare or have available some special delicacies for your partner. Draw a bath for your lover and bathe him or her gently. Sit across from your partner and stare into his or her eyes, merging your souls. Let the energy of your heart center extend across the space between you to kiss your partner's heart center. Spend hours making love, placing your entire emphasis on your partner. Become aware of how you feel when you give freely without worrying about receiving. You might want to prearrange another time when your partner can reciprocate so that you are the recipient. See how you feel in this situation.
You may be surprised to learn how enjoyable and gratifying it can be to be totally absorbed in giving. Because your attention is single-pointedly focused on your partner, you are, in fact, performing a kind of meditation. The meditative, totally present state in which you find yourself can be one that is calming and blissful. In addition, you can relax about your own performance. If you're not worried about whether you're getting what you want out of the sexual arrangement, you'll most likely not feel disappointed or resentful if your needs are not met. Now, just for this period of time, you have no needs or expectations. And if you don't focus on orgasm as your be-all and end-all, you may find that any performance anxieties spontaneously disappear. Indeed, you may even discover, as a result of performing this tantric ritual, that you harbored some unconscious performance anxieties that only surfaced when you became totally present and mindful.
In this tantric ritual, you don't have to perform. You don't have to ejaculate. All you have to be is totally, undividedly present for your partner. And in this undivided state of union with your beloved, you have an opportunity to experience the bliss that flows from the true realization of your self.
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